


things that can't be unsaid

by Swellwriting



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M, M/M, Multi, wolfstar, wolfstar/reader
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-27
Updated: 2020-09-27
Packaged: 2021-03-07 22:21:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,291
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26685043
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Swellwriting/pseuds/Swellwriting
Summary: Fandom: Harry Potter, Marauders EraPairing: Reader x Sirius black x Remus LupinSummary: Following a fight between Sirius, Remus and you, Sirius comes to your door and of course you let him in, you could never say no to Sirius, but you never promised you’d be nice.Warnings: Wolfstar, Filthy smut, angstWord Count: 3k
Relationships: Remus Lupin/Reader, Sirius Black/Reader, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin/Reader
Comments: 6
Kudos: 109





	things that can't be unsaid

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: if i was religious i’d feel guilty about this, but i’m not, and i don’t, I sin freely.

Emotions are a lot for anyone to understand, whether they are your own, or someone else’s. Some emotions are so strong, some too weak and some emotions cloud your mind or make you do stupid things. 

The act of doing stupid things, _self-destructive_ things, was Sirius Black’s specialty, and not just because he was sleeping with Remus; the human embodiment of self-destruction.

It was an unspoken thing, this relationship you found yourself currently in, or rather, newly out of, the whole thing was confusing. And by unspoken it meant you didn’t really talk about the details, it was all overwhelming emotions and really good sex.

You took a drag from your cigarette and then squished it against the ground and crumbled it with your foot before a pair of weathered docs stopped in front of you and playfully kicked the front of your shoe.

You knew who it was before you even looked up.

“Sirius.”

“Y/n.”

“What are you doing here?” You meet his eyes finally and he looks like a mess.

“I missed you.”

“Me?”

“You, and Moony too, I tried to apologize but he won’t talk to me.”

“There are certain things you can’t take back, Black.”

“Last names? No, don't tell me I fucked up that bad.” He anxiously ran his hands through his hair.

“You did.”

“How do I fix it?” By the desperation in his voice, you could tell he honestly wanted to know.

“That’s the problem Black, I don't think you can.”

“But why, why can’t we just at least go back to how things were before? Why can’t we all be friends again.”

You gave him a look, slowly up and down, and tried to hold back your smirk as you lit another cigarette, passing it to him and then lighting your own. He took it, watching you patiently waiting for you to respond to his plea. His eyes are tired, he’s been crying, he has a bruise on his cheek as if someone hit him, his hair hasn’t been combed, his shirt is ripped but you can’t tell if that’s just part of his aesthetic.

You thought about his words over and over, Sirius expecting you and Remus to go back to how things were before, after everything that happened he expected you to be friends again? Has he lost his mind?

“We’re not gonna be friends,” you finally say as you take a drag and then let it out slowly.

“Why not?”

“Friends don't fuck each other Sirius, friends don't do… _what we have done_.” You say slowly as you lean closer to him before standing up and hovering over him as he sits on your front step.

You let the oversized flannel you were wearing fall to your feet, it was Remus’, the silk slip you were wearing was all that was left.

“Well,” Sirius gulps as he looks up your legs reaching out to touch your ankle but then stopping himself.

“If we’re not gonna be friends…” you hint and he quickly stands up, dusting himself off and dropping his cigarette, quickly getting excited. 

He takes your outstretched hand and follows you inside.

-

Remus was your roommate, but he was out with James today, James was trying to cheer him up, he knew what had happened between the three of you. Well sort of.

James knew that you, Sirius and Remus were in a … relationship. That being a loose term with the three of you, Sirius was scared of commitment, Remus was scared of labels and you just didn’t really care about the details. You knew that you were in love with Remus and in love with Sirius. Remus was in love with you, and he was in love with Sirius then that left Sirius, well, that’s where it all went wrong.

It happened one week ago, you were on Remus’ lap, kissing him and between kisses calling to Sirius who was in the other room. You had just gotten home, one thing led to another and you were all slowly undressing before Sirius abruptly left the room.

-

“Sirius.” You call sweetly as Remus kisses up your neck, biting softly.

Remus stops and looks behind you so you turn on his lap to see Sirius standing in the doorway, fully dressed with the keys to his bike in his hands.

“You have to leave?” You ask innocently, so unaware of what’s happening in Sirius’s mind.

He nods his head you can tell he’s got something to say, you can see it in the way his shoulders tense and his hand shakes his keys slightly.

“Where are you going?” Remus asks.

“I'm leaving, and I’m not coming back here, anymore.”

“Back here?” You ask confused. “We can come to your place instead?”

“No, I don't want to be with you two anymore, I… I'm done with this, I don’t love you... _either of you_.”

Remus grip on your hips loosens as his hands fall limp at his sides, you turn on his lap and crawl towards the end of the bed reaching out for Sirius but he steps away so you recoil.

“You do, you love us, I love you, Sirius.” You plea.

“I just don't feel… that way.” He mumbles back.

“Did we do something wrong?” Remus asks, his voice is strained, he’s trying not to get angry and you can tell in the way his face is a little red.

Sirius shook his head.

“Then why?” You ask trying not to let yourself cry, Remus rubs a hand across your back when he hears the slight quiver in your tone.

“I just, I don't want to be with you, I don't, I don't love you guys I don't know how else to say it.”

“I don't believe you!” You yell and then the tears fall but you quickly wipe them away.

“You seemed to love us last night, or the night before that, or the time before that, Sirius. You are just scared, why don't you talk to us, we love you, we understand, don't run away like this.” 

“You don't know everything, Remus.” Sirius quickly quips back.

Sirius snaps, he snaps because he’s starting to break, he does love you both, but his fear of such strong feelings and commitment and the idea that you all should move in together, the idea of a future with the both of you was so overwhelming, he’s insecure and scared and he’s never known how to handle positive emotions.

“I know you, Sirius, I know you better than you know yourself and I know you’re trying to push us away but you don’t have to!”

“You know me better than myself? Listen to _yourself,_ Remus! You sound ridiculous, you are... you really are an idiot.”

“You weren’t calling me an idiot last night Sirius-” Remus started to brag but Sirius panicked and cut him off

“I only ever slept with you because of Y/n, all of it, was for her, because of her, I never liked you or loved you and I don’t know why it’s so hard for you to understand.” 

You went to grab Remus’s hand but he pulled it away. They argued for a few more minutes, yelling at each other, things that they can never take back, your ears go numb and you tune them out before Sirius rushes out the front door and Remus leaves your room and locks himself away.

The thing is; Sirius and Remus had started fooling around back at Hogwarts, but they were always drunk or high and they never dared talk about it, it was all roaming hands and sloppy kisses. It wasn’t until you and Remus became roommates that it turned into so much more, you got involved, Sirius stopped getting drunk before coming over and things went a lot farther between all three of you.

Sirius loved Remus long before he ever even thought about you that way, that’s how you knew he was lying, and trying to self-sabotage this relationship and push you both away.

-

“So how’s Remus holding up?” Sirius asked as he followed you inside and glanced at Remus' closed bedroom door. 

“Remus refuses to talk to me or look at me, it reminds him of you.”

“Well, where is he?”

“Sirius? I didn’t invite you inside to small talk or to talk at all, I’m not offering you a shoulder to cry on, you broke my heart, you broke Remus and if I didn’t want to fuck you I would have made you leave.”

“Okay okay, I’ll take a good thing when I see it.” Sirius forces a smile on his face but you can see the sadness in his eyes.

You hate that he’s making you feel even a little bit bad for him, his bruised eye isn’t helping.

Sirius picks you up and you naturally wrap yourself around him, your arms over his shoulder and your legs around his waist until he drops you onto your bed. He crawls over you and you pull him down by his hair, craning your neck a bit to meet his lips as he pins you to the mattress.

You don't mean for your caring side to come out, the part of you that loves Sirius unconditionally, maybe it’s his kiss that takes you by surprise. He tastes like your brand of cigarettes and just a hint of fire whiskey lingering in the back as if he drank hours ago.

The kiss is deep and needy as you bring a hand up to caress his slightly swollen cheek, pulling away from the kiss.

“What happened?”

“I thought you said no talking just fuc-”

“Okay, you don’t have to tell me.” You cut him off, still filled with concern.

He looks over your face for a moment, considering telling you what happened.

It’s a long story, this culmination of everything going on in his life that caused the relapse of his fear of commitment, that caused him to go back into this shell where no one can hurt him or even get close enough to love him. He had talked to his brother, they fought verbally but then he saw Regulus again a few days after he left you and Remus.

“I had an argument with Regulus.”

You sigh and try not to look so invested in what he’s telling you but you can’t.

“Sirius, baby not again.” You coo so sweetly and you don't mean for it to be so nice as you kiss his cheek.

“Baby?” Sirius asks with a smile as he moves to kiss down your neck and you panic and push him away, remembering how much he hurt you and hurt Remus.

“Wait I’m sorry!” Sirius quickly fumbles on top of you, shuffling himself back, resting on his knees at the end of your bed as you catch your breath trying to clear your mind.

“I'm mad at you, I don't wanna be nice to you!” You yell and Sirius frowns.

“You can be mean to me,” he almost begs as he crawls back over you and lets you switch spots so you’re on top of him, “please. Anything.”

Something about the way he says it flips a switch in your mind, all this anger and resentment you’ve been feeling towards Sirius that’s making you feel sick? You can take it out on him, he’s asking for it, practically begging and well, you could use the distraction.

You grab his face as you climb on top of him, kissing him roughly and biting his lip a little too hard. He whimpers only slightly against your lips, his eyes screwed shut as he holds your waist tight in his hands.

You grind your wet core onto his clothed cock, the sweatpants he’s wearing do nothing to hide the tent in his pants. You feel it slide between your legs as you move back and forth making Sirius shutter as he mutters your name over and over again.

“Please,” he mumbles and you stop your movements completely, he grabs your hips and tries to pull you against him but you won’t budge.

“Please what?” You ask coyly as he rushes to kiss your lips again, pausing only to whisper asking you to touch him.

“No.” you whisper back and then pull away from him, watching the look of desperation come over his face.

“No?” He whines, his fist grabs your comforter squeezing the soft material out of frustration.

“Touch yourself.” You say simply and he rushes to pull the waistband of his sweatpants down, you watch intently as he frees his cock, wrapping his fingers around it and slowly moving his fingers up and then down, starring into your eyes begging for help.

You lean forward and take his hand off, only to hold his palm open and spit on it, directing it back to his swollen red cock.

You giggle, feeling satisfaction over the amount of control you are holding over him right now.

You watch as he almost touches himself to completion, his hips stutter and you trace circles over his bare thighs as you watch.

“Are you gonna finish?” You ask and his hand stops immediately as he hangs on your every word. “Do you wanna cum and go home or do you wanna touch me?”

You barely finish talking before he’s reaching out for you, grabbing your hips and pulling you close, kissing across your face and down your neck as his hands pushup your sides, travelling under your silk nightgown, one hand travelling between your thighs to slide between your folds slowly, feeling the silky smooth skin as he traces circles, pushing his fingertips inside just slightly before pulling away to circle your clit roughly.

He shuffles down the bed more, so he’s laying down flat and then pulls you by your hips until you’re hovering over his face, desperately pulling your wet core to his mouth as you grab the headboard of the bed for support. He doesn't waste time, he wants you to come just like this, sitting on his face. His tongue flat, and then pushing inside you, circling, sucking your clit while he grips your thighs.

Your composure nearly breaks, you’re supposed to be the one in control, you figure that’s the reason why your on top as you look down and watch the way Sirius devours you like a man starved as if you weren’t in a similar position only a week ago.

“Sirius,” you gasp, surprising yourself as your stomach tightens. He looks up at you as he doesn't slow his movements, keeping his pace until your shutting your eyes tightly and squeezing him with your thighs, coming on his face as he gently laps at your skin, licking you clean while still staring into your soul. Lifting your hips and helping you back onto his lap. 

You need a moment so you collapse onto his chest, lying there for a few seconds, enjoying the way his chest rises and falls, tracing the dark tattoos on his soft skin.

But then you notice how hard he is underneath you so you slide against him, lifting your hips and then lining him up and sliding onto his cock, he groans as you bottom out and bring your hips onto his, sitting on his lap you decided you want to do something a little different.

“Sirius, I want you to fuck me,” you lean down and whisper into his ear as he quickly gets the message flipping places yet again so he’s on top of you, your legs wrap around his waist as he pounds into you, pushing you into the bed as his hips slam against yours.

“Someone’s excited huh.” You tease at his eagerness, he kisses down your neck and begins leaving marks and bitting the skin.

Your mind wanders, you’re not used to not having Remuus here too. Usually, he would be at your side, kissing and grabbing, or he’d be behind Sirius, making the man melt between the two of you.

You look over to your nightstand and get an idea. If you’re being forced to think of Remus, to miss him because of Sirius, then Sirius was going to feel your pain, feel the empty hole in your heart for Remus. You reach for the toy you know to be just a few fingertips away, Sirius doesn't notice until he hears a slight buzzing noise.

“Am I not enough for you?” He teases, assuming you’re going to use it on yourself but you just giggle before bitting his shoulder a little too hard.

“No Sirius, baby, you’re the one who’s insatiable.” You tease as you push the toy behind him, craning your arm to please him as he continues to thrust down into you. His hips stutter thrusts become uneven as he struggles to keep himself up, his head hides in the crook of your neck as he tries to hide to mewling noises leaving his mouth, the cries of pleasure, the whispers of your name and Remus’ too.

“Do I remind you of him hm? Am I making you think of Remus, how much you miss him, how much you _need_ him.”

“Fuck,” Sirius grunts, frustrated as he continues his rough pace, the slight vibrations and familiar feeling filling him from behind as he curses.

You can tell he’s close and watching him so desperate and needy as he clings to you, kissing your neck and bitting your ear gently, you’re so close to coming again even though that wasn’t your main focus anymore.

He hits that spot deep inside you that makes you shout his name and a long list of slowly fading curse words. Tightening around his cock as you come and he pushes in deep and comes inside you, filling you perfectly as he collapses on top of you.

You throw the toy to the side and wrap your arms around his back holding him close.

“So this is what happens when I’m not around then?” Remus asks from the doorway and you aren't sure how long he’s been there or how much he’s heard.

Sirius freezes in your arms as he refuses to turn around, looking into your eyes for help. The only help you can offer is gently pushing him up as he slides his softening cock out of you and turns to face Remus.

“Remus we can explain,” Sirius says like he’s out of breath. Angry with himself for not fixing things with Remus before allowing himself to indulge in you.

“Anything you need to say to me, say it now, I’ll be in the backyard waiting while you,” Remus pauses as his eyes roam over the two naked bodies of his lovers lying in bed without him. Suddenly you feel a pang of guilt for leaving him out.

“While I get dressed,” Sirius finishes for him as he fumbles to get up and search for his clothes that he doesn't remember taking off.

Remus leaves the room and you pull a blanket up to cover yourself as you lie back into your bed, watching Sirius panic and run around the room trying to dress himself. 

“y/n what do I do?”

“I don't know Sirius.”

“Should I blow him? To get him on my side first.”

“I mean I would say no for anyone else but honestly with Remus, it’s worth a shot,” you joked back and watched Sirius slowly walk out of your room to win Remus back and fix your weird unlabelled but totally in love relationship. 

Before you heard the door to the backyard open, meaning Sirius was still in the living room, you call out.

“Don't forget about me tho, I’ll be here if you ...need me.”

  
  



End file.
